I don't know where else to go.

Right now I'm feeling super alone and distant from everything. I've missed probably four of my last 6 classes at uni and I've just been at home doing nothing. I've done 1 assessment for my whole course and I may possibly fail this semester. Today I completed my special consideration form and I'm going to hand it in tomorrow. But I hope the time I get more will be productive rather than a prolonging of the burden of doing the work.

I'm going through a depression that seems worse than last time. It seems as though every time I go through it, it gets worse and worse each time. I don't believe in myself right now or really anyone right now. The thing I struggle with most is the fact that I was at a point where I thought nothing could go wrong and my energy and high for God was so amazing, but right now I question the reality of it. It's an odd thought that I would question right now if God will come through for me, even though I know that he's taken me out of this storm so many times. But I still have fear, I still have doubt regardless of how close I was with him. I need God to do something for me, do anything please.

It's obvious why I'm posting it here since I know you guys are reading it. I guess I just wanted you guys to get a glimpse of what I'm going through. I really need help right now, I can't do this alone I guess. My only escape right now is my computer games, it's not productive but it's the only thing that gives me peace at least for a while. I don't know how to deal with depression at all.

The things that need to get done for me right now practically but are being hindered are :
- My log book
- My assignments
- My lessons on love for youth which I don't know how I will do when I don't feel like I know anything about God's love right now.
- Cleaning my room

Everything that is mentioned about these things just make me feel like I'm letting down everyone and ultimately myself.

Nothing profound I guess, just the straight up truth about everything I am going through.

I only ask for help when it's too late it seems, foolish mans pride I suppose. Somehow I even have that even while my world seems to be falling down rapidly.


So my only prayer right now is "God please do something, I need you to do something for me." amen.

Peter.